Thursday, April 22, 2010

yesterday's pigtails...

On Wednesday, I think I noticed everything. Everything had been brushed with a highlighter like lines in a play.

I’ve been trying to take a walk every morning. Yes, it would be nice to be ten pounds slimmer for bathing suit season but really it’s more for my mood and productivity. I walk about two miles and then I’ve been swinging on our swing set in the back yard. I listen to Pandora and generally have it on R&B funk. I find this extremely helpful with my day overall.

On Wednesday’s walk, Pandora and I started out with James Brown and then hit a good number of songs from The Big Chill. Notably, this was my first love’s ‘theme’ album with his senior year classmates. I never got exactly why these 17-year old kids were fascinated with The Big Chill but I was only 15 and accepted the fate of a Sophomore dating a Senior. I just didn’t get it. I did appreciate the break from Hank Jr., when The Big Chill would have its turn in the tape deck. Welcome to rural Kentucky.

Listening to those songs made me feel a bit melancholy. It’s been 21 years since that boy. First love and after shocks, and The Big Chill or how I began Wednesday and where does it go from here?

Disclaimer: I really do not like to be labeled.

However, I am labeled as a single mom. That’s cool. I own it. I don’t feel weird about being single. My marriage wasn’t horrible but it wasn’t what either of us needed. I feel much better being single than I do having been married. So I’m the single mom and it’s easier than it was before. Okay, okay, okay.

I do and have done a lot of work that is put in front of people. For this reason, a gal who I’m currently working with, nominated me for some top singles thing for the rag she works for. She made it clear that it was not a matchmaking thing and that it would be a good way to have a profile in a popular local magazine and I could promote some of this work with it. Fair enough. It still makes me uncomfortable. I don’t like being labeled and there seems to be some stigma associated as being labeled single. Being publicly single, is just a bit weird. I do need all the help I can get with these freelance projects and all press is good press so I agreed to do it.

Wednesday I have my picture made as a top single. Yep. I meet the photographer and art director at the appointed time and we head to the Sunsphere to take some shots with a nice background. All is going well. No one is around and it’s a comfortable shoot. All good. I turn around and there’s my ex-husband. Just what you want to happen at a print shoot for top singles. He’s with his best friend. Just a point of interest ~ his best friend used to own this magazine and my ex started it for him. I dodge the question about what I’m doing and start blabbing about anything to change the subject about why I have this makeup on and why I’m in a dress and not the typical overalls or skirt and t-shirt. As they get into the elevator, I’m asked the question again. I’m a bad liar. I tell it. The elevator door shuts to two a-holes smirking. I had to eat a chilidog after that.

Later that day, I had an event to start some buzz about the biscuit festival. It was going well but I had to catch up with my daughters who had a play date with a friend and her daughter. They were kicking up dust on Market Square. I make my way out the door and run into my divorce attorney. I really like her but it was just the kind of day that made me think of her as my divorce attorney and not just some awesome gal.

I head to meet my girls, their friends and my friends. All good. My friend’s neighbor is with her and he has a little baby about a year old. Everyone’s having fun. I feel exhausted. It’s just been a lot of a day. Downtown is happening and folks are wandering up and we are all being introduced at different times. At one particular moment, I’m sitting by the single dad neighbor who also happens to share my last name. We are being introduced and it sounds like I’m married to this Hubbard man who I just met. I have never had that experience before. Even when I was married, I didn’t take my ex-husband’s name.

It was an interesting sensation. For a brief second, in the eyes of this stranger that was learning our names, I was a part of something and I didn’t have to give up something else.

This morning I woke up to find both girls had made their way into my bed. One of the cats is curled up on my pillow biting my head. I rouse the village, feed everyone, and take the girls to school. In my youngest’s classroom, they are giving away the pets. The school is closing next month and homes are being sought. I’m easily suckered into taking this creepy quick algae eating fish and 7 snails. They can live with our frog and male Beta fish. Easy.

I get home and release the additions to the aquarium, find Pandora and walk.

I’m still in yesterday’s pigtails.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

a gift...

Electric wires play across the blue gray sky and slowly a smiling moon moves them from their position of focus. The sun sets into a deeper sky of blue with highlights of pink and orange losing ground. A banjo from Canada whispers and howls as this smile of a moon rises. The banjo yells 'lost and lonely' and I feel self conscious and invisible at the same time. The sun has warmed the ground but the air takes a chill as I watch this smile through the trees, high up and alone, a companion.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

a few funny things...

Lucy Maye had a friend spend the night on Friday. When we got home I overheard Lucy Maye say "Hey Katherine! Lets find my computer and we can make a power point about what we want to do."

I caught Emma Jean shouting "I want a Toy Boy!" out her window. This means she's probably been listening to Christina Aguilera on my iphone again. I'm going to have to hide the iphone.

We went to a cookout but it got kind of late and the smallest one was going to crash so we left before we actually ate. We stopped at this tiny tastee freeze kind of place in Corryton and became surrounded by some pee wee league of some sort and their daddies. Katherine started talking about her uncle who had to move out of Tennessee because our state wouldn't let him marry his boyfriend. I'm always up for that sort of conversation with a 9 year old but in the interest of our safety, I had to ask her if we could talk about this later.

Shrek 3 has a version of "Live and Let Die". The song happens when they are ushering the body of the Frog King off into the ocean. Emma Jean has been singing it to our dog Virginia for a couple of days now.

We are going to plant a garden today and Lucy Maye only wants cucumbers and Begonia's. Emma Jean wants macaroni and cheese.

Other highlights included listening to Jeff Barbra and Sarah Pirkle play the Square on Friday and Sarah with the lovely ladies of the Naughty Knots play on Saturday. I'm a big fan. The art was great at the market as well. I found a jewelry maker that I'm going to stalk until I can afford him. His name is Randy Armstrong. I also got to read a little this weekend and am going to garden today. I've done some cooking the way I like to cook. It hasn't been the defensive sort of cooking that's usually done in a rush.

It's been nice just to have time this weekend to do nothing but pay attention.